I’m going to be honest and say that on average, probably one day out of every 30, I wonder what the hell am I doing running my own business and being a single mum. This gig is crazy. I have people asking me how I do it, and today, I honestly have no idea.
Sometimes I wish I had somebody else telling me what to do. Sometimes being held accountable is nice. It means your brain doesn’t have to work as hard. And it means a guaranteed paycheck. The stress of being the sole-income earner in my home is HUUUUUGGE. And I’m feeling it this week, as I look at my books and my bank accounts coming up to the end of the financial year. Other single mums/business owners everywhere completely get this feeling. It’s not nice.
So I daydream about what it would be like to work for someone else. I’d only have to work 9-5 which would be nice. I’d get paid the same amount every week. I’d get paid every week. I’d be responsible for a set list of things. I’d have weekends and holiday pay. And sick pay. And maternity leave. And boozy work lunches. Wow, these perks keep adding up hey.
But my 1 year old would be in day care for 5 days a week. I’d miss her standing up for the first time. I’d miss her first steps. These moments would be witnessed by an enthusiastic carer… but not me. We wouldn’t have the closeness and the bond we have now. Sure, we’d have more money, and less work-related stress. But she’d spend more of her waking hours at day care than with me. And then all of a sudden, I realise I have just reminded myself why I am in business for myself. She’s 1. She doesn’t know what money is. She doesn’t care what she wears, or how many new toys she has. She loves waking up to see me. And to be with me. And that’s what she will remember later on in life about her first years.
If you’re going through something similar, maybe thinking about what your little ones notice and care about will help you with perspective too. Don’t lose heart because today is hard. You still deserve what you want tomorrow to look and feel like. Keep going.