Emily and I have now been in our new home for 2 weeks and are well and truly settled here. It’s almost as if this is where we are truly meant to be – all our neighbours are so friendly and welcoming, friends and family close by and a real “homey” feel! This new home is full of positive energy, optimism and certainty. It’s a safe place. A sanctuary. And the first time I’ve ever had a home with this feeling.
It’s been a fortnight of milestones for Emily, too. She had her first day at daycare, and while she was fine without me for the day, the days that followed she was not herself. That was a very challenging week for me as a mum, to have her so emotional, clingy and clearly afraid I would leave her again. I’m taking this in my stride and reminding myself that I can master this challenge – the universe has sent it to me for that reason. I’ve been lucky enough to have a daughter who sleeps through the night (7pm-6am, consistently), but the last week she has been waking 2-3 times a night, sometimes not settling even in my bed. So I’m a tired mummy too. But I know I’ve got the strength, love and fortitude to power through this new experience.
It’s been very interesting watching her grow and develop – even with this separation anxiety it’s so fascinating! Her communication is advancing by leaps and bounds and she’s becoming more skilled at telling me what she’s thinking, wanting or what’s on her mind. Just now she climbed into my lap and put her arms around my neck to tell me she was ready for bed! READY FOR BED! 9 MONTHS OLD! What a clever cookie.
I’ve reached a few milestones too. I’m learning to let go. To stop trying to be something – an idea, a person or a concept, and to just be. I used to feel the need to be a certain person – as a control mechanism, as a way to control my life and to please other people. Now I am learning to just be me. Nothing or nobody else. And to feel comfortable in that. In my self. And with that comes the new feeling of knowing that it’s ok for other people to be uncomfortable with that. That’s their choice. All I can do is be.
And so I am.