Finding My Calm in Chaos

I’m getting alot better at juggling baby, business and me now. This has been one of the biggest working weeks that I’ve had since Emily was born (she’s 7 months now!!!). There have been 8 meetings this week, with one more to go tomorrow – and Emily has tagged along to 6 of them!

I make it a point to be on time or early to anything appointment – and Emily and I are rarely late…. but there is SO much behind-the-scenes work to get this show on the road and on time! Any parent will be able to relate… it takes us at least 20 minutes extra to leave the house, often doing multiple trips to the car and back, making sure we have nappies, wipes, extra toys, panadol, rusks, her favourite rattle, spare clothes for her, spare clothes for me, a muslin so I don’t show the world my boobs, FOOD – and then once we’re IN the car, I look back to make sure I can see a tiny person (it would be horrible and ironic to remember all that stuff and forget the VIP).

Please don't vomit in my bed.

Please don’t vomit in my bed.

We’re in a sort of rhythm now. I’m able to go to all these meetings and feel less overwhelmed and more in control. And I think a huge part of feeling that control is surrendering to parenting and all that happens around me. A close friend of mine gave me that word, surrender. And I think about it when I’m feeling challenged. I’m slightly OCD, I need to be on time (to the point I’m usually early and circle the block to be exactly on time) and I like order. Emily is bringing out the chaos in me, the little kid who would pull grass, stamp in puddles etc. Except she pulls hair, smashes avo toast into the walls and creates tsunamis in the bathtub.

What I’m teaching myself, through Emily and through the events that are unfolding in my life, is to let go. And through letting go, feeling in control of my surroundings. How weird is that? Through surrendering to chaos and unpredictability, I am discovering strength, confidence and control. It’s a liberating paradox.

What is becoming crystal clear to me, is that the concept of control is just that – a concept. It’s a man-made idea to make us feel safe and secure. And by letting go, I’m finding my calm in chaos, my control in unpredictability. And I like how that freedom feels.

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One thought on “Finding My Calm in Chaos

  1. I completely agree with everything you have said. I too am a little bit OCD and with my now 13 month old son, the whole concept of cleanliness and doing things when they are meant to be done is thrown out the window. I force myself to stop something I think I need to be doing and sit down and play with him, just to remind myself everything else can wait. Great post – and good on you for being a working mumma!

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